


Swimming With the Fishes

by WatchTheAntagonist



Category: Batman - All Media Types
Genre: Fluff, Gen, Humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-04
Updated: 2018-04-04
Packaged: 2019-04-18 04:49:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,206
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14205432
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WatchTheAntagonist/pseuds/WatchTheAntagonist
Summary: Damian has a unique way of expressing gratitude. With the Bats, it's only a matter of time before this spirals out of control.





	Swimming With the Fishes

**Author's Note:**

> Hello! I'm taking a short break from my longer works, so here's a random oneshot. It was really fun to write, and I at least found it amusing. Hope you enjoy, and leave a comment if you feel so inclined:)

“Stay awake. I’ve called for someone to come get us,” Jason said. Blood seeped through his fingers as he pressed his hands to Dick’s side. This whole mission had been a disaster.  He really couldn’t remember why he had agreed to go in the first place, and now all he wanted to do was get out. Preferably with someone else taking responsibility for Nightwing.

                “Hood,” Dick breathed out. At least he was coherent enough to remember to use code names. “I need you to—”

                “Hell no,” Jason said, pressing down harder on the wound and making Dick groan. “I am not doing any dying request bullshit. Because you are not dying.”

                “Right,” Dick said. He coughed, sounding piteous enough to make Jason wince. “Still need you to promise me something.”

                “Whatever gets you to shut up,” Jason said, trying not to listen. Didn’t do much good though, as he was already failing at trying not to care.

                “I need you to,” Dick paused, in a way that would have just been attributed to catching his breath in anyone else but in Dick might have been for dramatic effect. “I need you to feed my fish.”

                “What the hell,” Jason deadpanned.

                “You have to promise,” Dick said, his gaze seeming more unfocussed.

                “Hell no!” Jason said. He had been expected some sentimental nonsense about looking after his brothers or making up with Bruce or something. “I’m not going to. . .What even. . .Since when do you have a fish?”

                “Three. Robin, Batfish, and Nightfin,” Dick said. Jason just stared at him. “Gonna name my next one Hoodie, after you.”

                “No. Do not do that,” Jason said. Okay, Dick had to be delirious. There was no way that was real. Dick’s eyes fluttered closed. “Hey, don’t do that either. Stay awake.”

                “Nightwing!” Someone called out, running up to them. Jason sighed.

                “Finally. Took you long enough,” Jason said, turning only to see Damian step out of the plane landing next to them. “You have a stretcher or something?”

                “Is he. . .” Damian said, and Jason realized that he had frozen and was staring at Nightwing. Damian’s eyes were wide, and it took Jason longer than it should have to remember how young he was.

                “He’ll be fine, if we get out of here now,” Jason said. He didn’t do empty promises, and this wasn’t one. He was fairly sure of that.

                “Right,” Damian said, snapping out of whatever had grabbed him.

                They got on the plane without any other difficulties, both working with the efficiency that had been trained into them. It wasn’t until they had arrived back at the cave that Damian spoke again.

                “He’s going to be alright.” It was said as a statement, but there was a slight tremor in his voice that Jason just barely picked up on and his eyes were locked on Jason’s gloves, still wet with Nightwing’s blood.

                “Yeah, he just lost some blood,” Jason said. He shuffled uncomfortably underneath the kid’s gaze. “Little delirious, too. Kept going on about me having to feed his fish.” Jason paused and realized that telling the kid his older brother was delirious was probably not the best way to reassure him, even if Jason thought it was pretty funny now that there was no immediate danger. Luckily, Damian was far from a normal kid and scoffed, seeming to get the joke.

                “That is indeed preposterous. Grayson should know that I am a much better choice to care for his fish,” Damian said, sounding oddly proud of that fact.

                “Wait, what? The fish thing is real?” Jason said.

                “Of course. I myself gifted the fish to Grayson in order to show my appreciation for his efforts as my mentor,” Damian said. Jason stared. Damian didn’t laugh at him for believing the joke, even for a second. To the best of his knowledge Damian didn’t actually make jokes.

                “That is a really dumb present,” Jason said. Damian turned on him, glaring.

                “I’ll have you know that fish are majestic creatures and are certainly worthier of existing on this earth than you are,” he huffed.

                “Hey, I’ll have _you_ know that I just saved your favorite brother’s life. You should be thanking me,” Jason interrupted what seemed to be turning into a full-fledged rant. Damian went silent at that.

                “I suppose you are right,” Damian murmured to his shoes so Jason could barely hear him but didn’t add anything else.

* * *

 A week later, Jason was storming into the Manor.

                “Can someone tell my why the hell there is a fishtank in my safehouse?” he yelled, assuming that someone would be in hearing distance or watching through the security cameras.

                “Wait, you got a fish?” the Replacement said, sprinting down the stairs. No way he could have heard Jason from there. Security cameras it was, then. He was followed by some blond-haired chick who looked pretty familiar. The current Batgirl? Probably? Or a normal school friend, assuming the Replacement had those.

                “How in the world did the Red Hood get a fish before either of us?” said the blonde. Not civilian, then. Batgirl it was.

                “I didn’t get a fish. It just randomly appeared. None of my security was triggered, so I’m assuming it was one of you,” Jason glared, but neither seemed overly effected. Probably the amount of time they spent around Batman.

                “I can’t believe the Demon Brat got _you_ a fish,” Tim said.

                “Hey! What’s that supposed to mean?” Jason said, fairly certain that he was being insulted somehow. “Wait, Damian was the one who broke into my apartment to leave a fish?”

                “Duh. Seriously, though. Didn’t you try to kill him or something?” Batgirl asked. Steph, that was her name.

                “Yeah. That was ages ago,” Jason said offhandedly. “Can one of you fill me in as to why Damian gave me a fish?”

                “He does that,” Steph shrugged. “He’s like fish Santa.”

                “He tried to give me a cat, but when I said I wouldn’t be able to look after it he gave me a fish,” said Dick, walking into the room slowly, still seeming a little pale but otherwise much better. He seemed to be caught up on the conversation, so he had probably been spying on them. Because that was what people in their family did.

                “So, the Demon Brat broke into my apartment, past all my security, and left a fish tank there with no explanation. . .because he likes me?” Jason said, not sure if he had gotten that right.

                “No, because you’re his older brother and he loves you but doesn’t know how to tell you to your face,” Dick said, smiling. Jason and Tim scoffed in unison.

                “So, you said you wanted a fish? You want to take mine off my hands?” Jason said to Steph, because he hardly knew her and therefore liked her more than anyone else in the room. His fish was a silvery color with a bright red fin and looked totally badass so he wanted it to have a good home.

                “You can’t just give away your fish,” Steph gasped, staring at him.

                “Do you know how long we’ve been trying to get him to give us one?” Tim added.

                “Why don’t you just buy a fish if you want one so badly?” Jason asked. Sure, it was a really freaking cool fish, as far as fish go, but Tim certainly had enough money to get one for himself.

                “No!” Tim and Steph said in unison.

                “That’s not the point,” Steph added on. “It’s about making Damian admit that we are worthy.” Jason paused and thought at this.

                “So. . .If I get three more that means that I’m better than Goldie?” Jason said.

                “That’s the spirit!” Steph said.

                “So not the point,” Dick grumbled.

                “Too late. I’m gonna win,” Jason smirked.

                “Well, probably not,” Tim said. “Cass already has five. But we’re having an intense battle for second place.”

* * *

 

                Bruce could not claim to be up-to-date with teenager slang, not even with the amount of time he spent talking to teens. He was usually good at figuring out what was going on through context clues, but this new one was escaping him. For the life of him, he had no idea why his children kept talking about fish.

                He had tried Googling it, but it hadn’t been of any use. He had tried eavesdropping, but he was beginning to suspect that his children had developed some sort of code language. It seemed to be centered around Damian, but Tim and Steph seemed to be the ones who used the term the most. He would have let it go if they hadn’t been using the term on patrol where communication was of the utmost importance. So, as a last resort, he decided to ask.

                “I need you to answer something for me,” Bruce said, sitting at his computer in the cave and assuming, rightly so, that Tim would walk over to him once he heard the summons. “What does it mean to feed the fish?”

                “Like. . .literally? To give food to fish?” Tim said, seeming more confused than he should have been. “Or like criminals throwing someone in the harbor sort of thing?”

                “You’ve been discussing it with Dick and Steph,” Bruce said, feeling the need to clarify so he didn’t seem insane.

                “Oh, we were talking about the Damian gratitude fish. Neither Steph nor I have one yet,” Tim said. Which cleared up nothing.

                “Damian has fish?” he asked after a moment’s pause, trying to run through the list of animals that now inhabited his manor. He didn’t think there were any fish. Except, the one that Alfred said was his, which had seemed a little odd.

                “No, the fish he gives to people,” Tim said. Bruce paused in typing the report. “Wait. You don’t have a fish.”

                “I fail to see why that is relevant,” Bruce said, slightly miffed though not knowing exactly why.

                “Oh, crap. I thought you just, told him no or something,” Tim said. Bruce finally looked up from the computer. “He’s never given you a fish.”

                Bruce stared, unsure how to respond to this. Tim seemed to take it as confirmation

                “Dick!” Tim called out. His eldest son walked over from the other corner of the cave where he and Stephanie had been talking. “Help! Bruce doesn’t have a fish.”

                “What?” Dick said. Steph trailed behind him.

                “I don’t see how that is relevant. I was just asking why fish keep being brought up on our commlinks,” Bruce frowned.

                “Damian didn’t give you a fish?” Steph asked, though that had clearly already been confirmed.

                “Why would my son give me a fish?”

                “Because it’s his Thing,” Tim said. “When he’s happy with someone, he gives them a fish.”

                “And, you have a fish?” Bruce said, directing the question to Dick.

                “Yeah. Couple,” Dick said, seeming uncomfortable.

                “And,” Bruce said, turning to Tim and Stephanie. “This is why the two of you have been insisting on patrolling with Damian?”

                “Well, we figure if we save his life or something he’ll have to give us one,” Tim said with a shrug. Bruce sighed. “Jason’s trying the same thing!”

                “He probably just felt nervous giving you one,” Dick said. He shifted his feet. “He tried with his mom and it didn’t go over very well.”

                Bruce’s forehead creased as he thought through that statement. He could unfortunately imagine Talia’s reaction to a display of affection from her son. And he was aware that he wasn’t always the most welcoming person. Still, it seemed important that he reassure his son, and make sure that he was aware that Bruce would not reject him. As if summoned by his train of thought, Damian entered the cave.

                “Damian,” Bruce called over to him. Dick made a frantic hand-waving gesture, but Bruce ignored him. “I want a fish.”

                “Bruce, no!” Steph cried. Tim gaped at him like one of the aforementioned fish. “You can’t order Damian to give you a fish, that’s not how it works!”

                “I’m not sure what you are talking about, Father,” Damian said, glancing to Dick for information. Dick shrugged at him.

                “He found out you’ve been giving fish to people as presents,” Dick said. “I think he’s feeling left out.”

                “They aren’t presents! They are a material representation of my gratitude,” Damian said. He blushed slightly under the scrutiny. “I thought you would find it to be a childish and unnecessary endeavor.”

                “Damian, you are allowed to thank people,” Bruce said, choosing his words with care. “And you are allowed to do so however you see fit. I think it’s good that you are learning to do this in your own way. And, as it is apparently the custom, I will begin trying to earn a fish.”

                As he said it, Bruce realized how absurd the sentence was, especially from someone wearing the Batman costume. He was glad he had removed the cowl earlier. Still, despite the absurdity, he seemed to have done something right. Steph and Tim both grinned at him, and Dick was positively beaming. Damian murmured something to his shoes, but Bruce could see him smile.

                The next day, a tank with a large black fish was in the Batcave.

 


End file.
